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October 20, 1677

A Plea to My Friends

It took me full three hours after waking this morning to notice that the house was uncharacteristically peaceful, and that the reason for this new-found tranquility was the unexpected absence of both Patrick and Sean from the premises. And it was only just now that I remembered why it was that they were gone. My recollection is somewhat hazy on the subject, but the substance of the matter is that I may have accidentally set the dogs upon them last night in the course of a heated discussion that we were having about house guests who have outstayed their welcome. It has been almost a full day now since the event, and I am quite concerned that they may have interpreted it to mean that they are no longer welcome here, which is not true, as I find myself completely at a loose end without them. So, Patrick, Sean: If you are perchance reading this, please be advised that although I consider it pretty shabby of you both to have left so abruptly, I shall not stand upon ceremony and ask for an apology. You may return at any time that suits you, and we shall let bygones be bygones.

Update: My manservant, George, informs me that the conversation about house guests which I refer to above only took place in my head. Apparently, I walked out of my chambers and set the dogs upon them without provocation while they were dining. I will admit that this was perhaps a little extreme and I apologize for it, though I am certain they must have done something to deserve it. Nonetheless, this may be a good time to impose some restrictions on my afternoon drinking habits.

Late Update: As Addy points out, this incident was clearly not my fault at all. George has been summarily let go, and as soon as he recovers from the dog bite, I may well press charges against him for his shameful negligence in this matter.


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addy farmer

Whilst you're at it, you might as well chuck George out for failing to stop you drinking without due care and attempting to kill your friends.
I take it the dogs were of the large and ferocious kind and not armpit dogs.


A truly enlightened idea, my friend. He shall be dismissed forthwith. My poor dogs won't have a moment's rest this week!

William Barclyfe

In their exuberance, your dogs have left "little gifts" for me on my lawn. Please remove them forwith.

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