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March 18, 1677

Saucy Scullery Maids and Naughty Nurses

I have neglected this blog for nearly a month now, and some explanation is clearly required. However, I am not a man who apologizes where no sin has been committed, and I have learned from experience never to explain my actions without an attorney present, so you will receive no such satisfaction.

Suffice it to say that I have been occupied with business, particularly the day-to-day operations of the Crimson Unicorn, which is fast becoming London’s premiere bawdy house. Last week, we attracted more clients than our chief competition, Harry’s House of Harlots (or, as it is more commonly known, Harry’s House of Herpes), and, thanks to the recent addition of our immensely popular “Naughty Nurses” attraction, which was written up in The London Gazette as “The most vile, sinful, rotten abomination ever to defile the citizens of our once proud city,” we are poised to overtake even the notorious Black Orchid, which is reputed to be the favoured establishment of ill repute amongst discerning Members of Parliament.

So, as you will imagine, I have had my hands full—and I might add that I have had very little help from Sean (my business partner in this endeavour), who—my sources have informed me—spent the entire day today lying in a ditch.


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I cannot say which is worse - your abominable professional pursuits (for which you will surely burn in the very darkest reaches of the infernal realms for an eternity), or the fact that you read that dreadful rag The London Gazette. The writing's really gone downhill since the new editor took over, don't you think?

Joseph Andrews

Well, post the article then. Let's see it!


Do you know where I can find the full article?

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