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January 24, 1677

A Guest Post by EJT: Why I "Enjoy" This Blog

Before going on, I feel I must emphasize that I am not posting on this sinful blog by my own choice. Indeed, I will admit that before attempting to compose this entry I prayed for many hours that I might be spared the ignominy of having to contribute to a blasphemous publication that extols the earthly "rewards" which may be obtained by devoting oneself to the sinful activities (including whoring, gambling, and "science") pursued by my brother Patrick and his hateful friends with such little concern for the state of their eternal souls. But the truth of the matter is that I lost a game of golf this morning—against all odds—to Jack (who quite clearly had the devil on his side, otherwise he would never have sunk that last putt), and, certain as I was that the Lord was smiling upon my endeavour and that speculating upon the likelihood of my victory was not therefore a genuine "wager" under any but the most technical definition, I acquiesced in a bet which stipulated that, should I lose the game, I would post a list of my "three favourite things" about this nasty, odious blog—on the very pages which I abhor. Having received no Heavenly reprieve from this woeful task, I am now of a mind that there must be some Holy value to be gained from my actions that is beyond my own base reckoning. And so, now, I grit my teeth and post, for your benefit, the three things that I enjoy most about Peep This Diary (bearing in mind that it is an abomination and a plague upon all things that are Holy and Good).

1. Although its terrible influence upon impressionable souls ought not even to be reckoned lest the righteous be temporarily disheartened, Peep This Diary, in the hands of an enlightened man, might be seen as providing useful guidelines regarding what not to do in order to achieve Salvation. If, for instance, a reader makes it a habit to repeat a psalm every time Jack describes an alcoholic adventure; to say a prayer whenever Patrick advances a preposterous "scientific" theory; and to lash himself repeatedly any time Sean so much as posts a paragraph, a claim might be advanced that Peep This Diary contains some small educational benefit for its readers.

2. While it might legitimately be asserted that Peep This Diary is contributing in no small part to the downfall of Christendom, it must also be admitted that the blog has fewer grammatical errors than other similar publications.

3. Sean's stories are quite amusing, especially when he makes a fool out of himself in front of women.

There. It is done. I have no more to say on the topic, except that if I win next week's game of golf (and it is a certainty that I will), Jack will be posting a discussion of the most important lessons that he has learned from me, along with a list of his five most sinful habits, on my blog for your edification and amusement. So all is not lost.



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