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November 20, 1677

When I'm down to my Business shoes...

I realize that my last post may have left some readers cold. Odyllia, thankfully, has not gone to the great bawdy house down below, but instead escaped her ordeal after only a minor singeing. Surprisingly, despite the loss of all her hair, she remains a top earner at the Unicorn, which demonstrates that you can never predict certain gentleman’s tastes.

The last few days have been an eye opener for a naïve businessman such as myself. I thought that after decade’s worth of adventures at “houses of ill-repute,” the running of my own establishment would prove more or less simple. As it turns out, there are several cardinal rules that one know in order to successful in this “business.”

Rule # 1 – The Time from “Deal” to “Transaction” takes entirely too long 

- With everyone wearing multiple layers at all times, never mind stockings and bloomers, a transaction can take upwards of an hour, which hurts the bottom line. Thus, when gentlemen enter the Unicorn, they must remove their coat and collar. The “ladies” have been encouraged to wear slightly less to begin with, which equals more money for everyone.

Rule # 2 – Gentlemen prefer their “Ladies” to have all their appendages and for those appendages to be fully functioning.

- Alright, Jack was right. But I still miss Bertha.

Rule # 3 – You can never have enough Silk.

- Fairly self-explanatory. However, this has proven a boon to Jack’s failed shipping business and we have sent Captain Araoz packing to the Orient to bring us back the brightest and most fashionable cuts he can find. His payment is a 50% discount at the Unicorn, where we can be seen to be taking a notable loss.


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