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August 6, 1677

Breaking and Entering

It is with a heavy heart that I begin the preparations for Patrick’s funeral. Jack has warmed to the idea, if only at the thought of spending my money. The problem, as oft the case of what to do with men who meet their demise at sea, is what to substitute in lieu of a body. I decided that the best course of action was to open the door to Patrick’s long shuttered room, and fill the coffin procured from Mr. Morland’s with the choicest of Patrick’s possessions.

I was, however, unprepared for the site that greeted me upon entering his domicile. In fact, words quite escape me.


Faced with such a cornucopia of choices, I selected the following items to substitute for Patrick’s lanky frame:

1 Large Turtle Shell
3 Small Beetles with Very Large jaws
6 carefully labeled jars of what appear to be leeches (my Latin has never been strong)
1 statue of a tiny man who has been carved with Inappropriate proportions
1 microscope given to Patrick by some foreigner named Leeuwenhoek

I truly hope that Patrick appreciates my efforts as I help him towards his Eternal Reward. I only regret that there was nary a stuffed monkey to be found.


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