Taking the Unicorn by the Horn
I suppose I should apologize for my infrequent posting on this blog of late, but my work, as I shall explain anon, has been keeping me from any other pursuits (except golf of course) for some time now—and to tell the truth, having experimented with “apologizing” for the first time recently, I cannot say that it has very much to recommend it. But my starved readers will be wanting meat for their hungry bellies, not this unmanly waffling about feelings and how “sorry” I may or may not be. If that is the sort of thing you are looking for, you will doubtless find it in abundance by reading Sean’s posts on this blog (though, not having read any myself, I can say little about them except that if they bear any similarity to his conversation, you will do well to secure a sharp implement to jab into your knee during the slow parts).
But I digress. The unfortunate truth is that since Patrick returned from Indochina (which, incidentally, is a full 2,000 miles away from where we actually sent him), having misplaced my start-up funds, my bartering goods, and, indeed, my ship, I have found myself in something of a financial tight spot. And to rectify this unfortunate situation, I have done the only thing that a respectable, clear-thinking businessman in my position can do—I have taken full responsibility for the management of a bawdy house in my possession, with the intention of tripling the revenue from the establishment by blackmailing certain high-ranking members of parliament who frequent it without the knowledge of their Sovereign … or their wives. Regular readers of this blog will know that I am referring to the infamous Crimson Unicorn, which Sean rashly purchased some months ago with the reasoning that the asking price for the bawdy house itself was not really all that much higher than the tab he had run up.
And so Sean and I have spent three successive weeks remodeling the place, hiring new talent, ridding ourselves of some of the less desirable employees (One-Eyed Bertha, though a great favourite with the navy men who frequent the Unicorn, was given her marching orders last night, despite Sean’s tearful imprecations), and making all the necessary changes to turn the old place into a first-rate money-making venture. The final alterations were made this morning, and I am very excited to announce that the Unicorn will have its grand reopening on Monday! Sean took our old friend (and new employee) Odyllia out to the Griffin this evening to celebrate, and as soon as they return, we shall crack open a bottle of my finest wine to toast the beginning of an enterprise that will make us both very, very rich men. I am quite confident that (unlike previous business ventures that I have embarked on with Sean and Patrick) this time there is nothing that can go wrong.