Love's Labours (Found)
It has not started out as the most illustrious of days. Normally, the totality of my ambition involves raiding Jack’s larder and possibly sneaking off with Beth to the linen closet. Today I woke up and not only was the cupboard bare, but Beth was nowhere to be found.
Now I am not a man who puts much stock in the theory that a woman is needed to refine a man’s baser nature. Jack has had two wives and he is still a miserable old sot who is better fit to spend his days counting his coppers than wooing a maiden.
But I found myself with this strange pain in my stomach whenever I thought of Beth, and rather than ascribe it to any sort of affection, I decided it must come from lack of bacon.
I set out to the Griffin for my midday meal only to be shocked by a truly appalling sight. It seems that everyone in the entire town of London had decided to couple, and I could nary walk five feet without bouncing into a giggling couple or some young gentleman clearing the path of beggars for his lady. I caught a right cudgel in the head from one of these louts. The pain in my stomach got worse.
The obvious solution was not bacon, but a trip to the Crimson Unicorn. Upon arriving I was not shocked to find both Patrick and Jack deep in conversation over a presentation by one of Patrick’s witch doctor friends. It appeared that not only were all the women of the Crimson Unicorn formally occupied, but that I would have to spend my night drinking in a brothel with two of the greatest cynics in all London.
I confess the pain has become unbearable.