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October 22, 1677

Pretty silver things

I have been remiss in noting my travails. However, I have good reason for my sloth. Well, actually two reasons, which could be best described as the tiny one and the ugly one.

It has been quite a number of days since I have come to the house of the tiny one. At first, I thought I might receive some gainful employment cleaning the privies and much the stables. Unfortunately, this was not to be the case. Instead, the tiny one proposed a plan to relieve a man of his worldly riches. Now how this plan would be to my benefit, he did not elaborate. He merely stated that the job necessitated my unique skills and that it would be for the best if I was to follow along in the endeavor.

Several days passed and I had not given my answer. The tiny one grows more and more perturbed by the hour. At first I thought it was because I was helping myself to his victuals which are supplied in paucity. I normally have to cuff the butler a few times to bring me another round of rashers. But I think the tiny one is more annoyed that I am not held in his thrall like the ugly one. He has taken to muttering such words as dirty papist and filthy Mick when I pass, which much aggrieves me. Of course, being tiny, he is not wont to confront me directly, but instead hops up and down, spittle flying and demands that I obey his requests.

Of the ugly one there is not much to say except that I would not trust him near animal nor small child. He consistently clutches a bone that he received in some twisted pagan ritual in the East Indies. I would go as far as to say that he worships some dark god, but am afraid to confront him lest he put the juju on me. If things don’t improve quickly I will have to take my leave. That would be unfortunate as I have only managed to collect half the tiny one’s silver dining set. There is a soup tureen I have my heart set on.

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